this is a true story so please try to be understanding.

i was at the basketball court the other day enjoying the beautiful warm VA sun. we normally run 5 vs 5 full court, but not today. we only had a grand total of 6 people. all of the guys were from the block so we got along pretty well. one more guy came to the court and i kind of blew him off when he tried o give me some dap. we started playing ball and he was making some slick comments towards me(or i thought) during the game. the skit went like this; guy- pass the rock son! me- come to the ball. i have 3 people gaurding me. guy- pst pst pst pst nigga pst pst. me- the fuck you say ol hoe ass nigga? guy- dude, it's not that big of a deal. me- nah ol hoe ass nigga. you said something slick?!?! now repeat it! guy(talking to others)- dude, chill out for real. others guys on the court- chill out eric! you see he don't want to fight you. guy- come on son, we just some niggas out here trying to hoop. me- i'll knock ya ass out...(scuffle scuffle).

this is when i knocked him out on the court. i only swung twice though. i broke his jaw and he had a concusion from hitting the concrete. i thought it was over until i heard a knock on the door with legal papers about me being sued. i can't believe this is happening. i guess i should find him and ask him to drop the charges. you think that will work?

Well hopefully he will, but you shouldn't knock people out because they call you names or treat you bad. People are mean like that, all you can really do is ignore them and if that doesn't work telling the police about it will help you out.

dude, i'm out of control! i don't think i have a bad attitude. i just hate people. i have conflict with myself. i've done alot of shit in my life and it's damaging to me. it sucks not being able to trust anyone because i can't maintain a relationship(girlfriend homies & homegirls) because i think people are gonna stab me in the back. i have alot of hate in my heart and i need alot of healing. it sucks not being able to trust anyone but i have to pull through this shit. i have 2 children and i don't want them to grow hating people because of their are race, religion, etc.

ok eric, im gonna give it to you straight. sometimes you just have to let go of the past. you have to learn to trust ppl. you cant go around knocking ppl flat just bc they call you a name. that just gets you in a whole lot of trouble. just ignore them, pretend like they arent there and if you have to leave. but you are going to have to learn to trust ppl you just have to. its a part of life. and if you dont want your kids to grow up hating ppl bc of their race, then teach them everyone is exactly the same, no matter how you look. that white ppl have feelings just as well as black ppl do. and you yourself have to stop looking at them differently. i know you arent exactly "racist" but you do look at white ppl different. especially white women. we can love and care for our men just as good as black women can. if you teach your children that there is no difference, they wont have a reason to worry about if ppl hate them bc of their race. and the truth is 90% of ppl wont. i have never once thought, "i wonder if that black person hates me bc im white" or "i hope that black person doesnt think im racist" we are all exactly the same on the inside. and when someone makes you mad just walk the other way. i know its hard sometimes. especially when you take it so personally. i have a bad temper to. but you can't just go around hitting ppl everytime they upset you.
dont use trust as an excuse bc you determine who you trust and if you really want to trust someone you can. its ok to watch your back. everyone does that. but you just have to learn that not everyone is put in your life to hurt you.